This is such a stressful time to own a business. I was doing really well and coping and feeling ok up until this weekend, and then I fell apart.
We are at a fixed point in history. There will forever now be “before the Pandemic” and “after the Pandemic”. I know my business will get through, but I have no idea what it will look like in the aftermath.
I’ve been so very lucky to have never suffered from depression, but I know what it feels like to have down days. This weekend it was more than a down day – it was a physical weight that was on top of me, like this huge oil pile of sad that was sitting on me.
I realized that even after this is all done, the rebuild will be slow. I had hoped to shoot in the spring but now it’s not looking good. I realized that my identity is so closely tied to my business that I don’t know who I am without it.
Right now my business is closed in terms of shooting. I cannot, and willingly am not, shooting anything with other people. This includes porch sessions, which are NOT ok and not safe right now. If you see someone doing them, please ask them to stop. It’s not the time.
I am still attempting to do some computer work and social media stuff but honestly, I am not sure how to post things right now. The stress of it is big.
😔It feels disrespectful to be posting weddings when so many have had to postpone theirs.
😔It feels cavalier to post pictures of families and making it look like I am shooting right now.
😔It all feels not ok.
😔I feel not ok.
I’ve had so many wonderful people reach out to me and give words of support. And everyone tells me that it’s ok to not feel ok.
So that’s what I want to leave you with.
👉Whether you’re struggling because your business has shut down and you have no idea what’s going too happen.
👉Whether you’re trying to work from home but the stress of everything is making it hard to concentrate.
👉Whether you’re trying to teach your kids while also working.
👉Whether you’ve lost your job and things are tough.
👉Whether you’re afraid of the world and what is going on.
👉Whether you’ve had to cancel or postpone something that you were really looking forward to.
It’s ok to feel what you feel. Your feelings are no less important just because someone is going though something different than you are.
It’s ok to not feel ok.